no. really. i do. 

i can really see myself falling for you. 

i'm not doing this again. 

if you were any closer, i would have convinced myself that you were perfect. (you are in a way, but lets not get into that). and then what would have happened? i'd start to expect certain things. things that weren't possible. things that couldn't be. and you'd feel the weight of it. and perhaps i'd lose you for good. a lovesick heart tends to be over-zealous. so i'm ok with the distance. i'm alright with being so far. i don't want you to come closer. i i i i... there it is again.

loneliness has turned me into a fool.

“Tellement je t'aime, je pense à toi
Tellement je t'aime, je rêve de toi
Tellement je t'aime, passionnément
Tellement je t'aime, à la folie...”

I’m such a dork.

Ah! But your voice!

I’m smiling!

Your geeky laugh,

I smile more!

I know, that it’s nothing much,

So I won’t treat it that way,

But I’ve got a reason to get out of bed now,

I’ve got a reason to expand.

A goal.

A small, simple goal.

To see you.

: )

Please stop over thinking things.

Some people are genuine, while some are not.

You've heard of it, yes?
Hundreds dead.
A reaction to an action.

I'd like to end it all.

Even if it means that I have to be lonely.
Even if it means that I have to surrender my morality.

May I become the worlds enemy?
May I have that power?

Just focus your hate on me and nothing else.
I'll make it easy on ya.

Focus all of your anger on me.
I can take it.
(even if I can't)

Unite to stop me.
Unite.
Unite.

And after the Zero takes my life by sword,
You'll have peace.
It won't be long,

But you'll have peace.

I haven't been too articulate lately, my apologies. I've been a little emo bitch (pity parades and all) ever since returning from the Philippines. I thought "It's this house that's making me this way, I was raped here, that's why I can't keep my thoughts in order."

I keep on blaming the fact that I was abused for everything. This needs to stop.

I don't want to stay cooped up in this room, crying all day, because I'm too afraid to trust people. I want to go out to clubs on Saturday nights, I want to meet a nice guy who'll buy me flowers, I want to conquer, I want to be educated.

These things can't happen if I keep on like this.

I was hurt, but pain is necessary to grow, to obtain beauty.

still unemployed.
still in nyc.
still unhappy.

all i want for Christmas, is to be rid of these damn braces.

i have a fragile ego, and these metal teeth are not helping.

the air feels cleaner.

i think that it's all going to be okay.

the green light says go.