i fail at dying.

nobody@vox.com(probative) — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 17:44:03 -0700

no. really. i do.

-.-

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this side of me needs more love.

nobody@vox.com(probative) — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 14:44:34 -0700

i can really see myself falling for you.

caring for you.

loving you.

i don't know why.

i can trust you more than people i've known for years.

when did this happen?

i began talking to you in... december?

i had no idea who you were,

but i kept on asking you to marry me.

and i kept on saying "lolwut, i love you" or "orange box, i love you~"

*face palm*

and then you replied with "i love you, but i won't marry you"

i nearly fell off my chair.

it felt nice to laugh so freely.

i hadn't laughed in so long.

so i kept coming back.

you were always there.

i was bored, and needed some sort of interaction.

so i'd talk to you,

and you'd talk back.

you "fail at conversation".

that's fine,

i do too.

(let's fail together)

*head desk*

there were more conversations,

and more laughter.

i don't know what will happen now.

i use you as a distraction.

it's not fair.

but i've tried playing by rules,

and it's never done me any good.

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no. no. no.

nobody@vox.com(probative) — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 22:59:50 -0700

i'm not doing this again.

i'm not going to get my hopes up.

i am just going to write this story, and drop off of the face of the planet.

i am here...

to tell people about your life.

your exciting eventful life~

because mine isn't good enough.

my life... won't sell as many copies.

so it's you.

you.

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i'm glad that you're far away.

nobody@vox.com(probative) — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 08:35:03 -0700

if you were any closer, i would have convinced myself that you were perfect. (you are in a way, but lets not get into that). and then what would have happened? i'd start to expect certain things. things that weren't possible. things that couldn't be. and you'd feel the weight of it. and perhaps i'd lose you for good. a lovesick heart tends to be over-zealous. so i'm ok with the distance. i'm alright with being so far. i don't want you to come closer. i i i i... there it is again.

loneliness has turned me into a fool.

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6:51am

nobody@vox.com(probative) — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 03:52:35 -0800

“Tellement je t'aime, je pense à toi
Tellement je t'aime, je rêve de toi
Tellement je t'aime, passionnément
Tellement je t'aime, à la folie...”

I’m such a dork.

Ah! But your voice!

I’m smiling!

Your geeky laugh,

I smile more!

I know, that it’s nothing much,

So I won’t treat it that way,

But I’ve got a reason to get out of bed now,

I’ve got a reason to expand.

A goal.

A small, simple goal.

To see you.

: )

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note to self:

nobody@vox.com(probative) — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 15:11:44 -0800

Please stop over thinking things.

Some people are genuine, while some are not.

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This resolve that explodes in my heart.

nobody@vox.com(probative) — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 13:32:47 -0800

You've heard of it, yes?
Hundreds dead.
A reaction to an action.

I'd like to end it all.

Even if it means that I have to be lonely.
Even if it means that I have to surrender my morality.

May I become the worlds enemy?
May I have that power?

Just focus your hate on me and nothing else.
I'll make it easy on ya.

Focus all of your anger on me.
I can take it.
(even if I can't)

Unite to stop me.
Unite.
Unite.

And after the Zero takes my life by sword,
You'll have peace.
It won't be long,

But you'll have peace.

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The thoughts of you will not ruin my life.

nobody@vox.com(probative) — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 11:43:48 -0800

I haven't been too articulate lately, my apologies. I've been a little emo bitch (pity parades and all) ever since returning from the Philippines. I thought "It's this house that's making me this way, I was raped here, that's why I can't keep my thoughts in order."

I keep on blaming the fact that I was abused for everything. This needs to stop.

I don't want to stay cooped up in this room, crying all day, because I'm too afraid to trust people. I want to go out to clubs on Saturday nights, I want to meet a nice guy who'll buy me flowers, I want to conquer, I want to be educated.

These things can't happen if I keep on like this.

I was hurt, but pain is necessary to grow, to obtain beauty.

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update.

nobody@vox.com(probative) — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 05:50:31 -0800

still unemployed.
still in nyc.
still unhappy.

all i want for Christmas, is to be rid of these damn braces.

i have a fragile ego, and these metal teeth are not helping.

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pushing forward.

nobody@vox.com(probative) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 20:13:30 -0800

the air feels cleaner.

i think that it's all going to be okay.

the green light says go.

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